When you're upset, but would like to move on....

[Ash]

When you're angry with someone, but want to forgive them, what do you do? Do you try to push the feelings of anger aside and act like everything is okay? Distance yourself from the person until the anger has really subsided, for fear that the anger you still feel inside may come out at some point?

[darkly]

Hmm there are no easy answer to that one. I think the question is: can you forgive them or did they do something that you can't forgive given time?
But if you want to forgive even if you haven't been able to I'd say maybe try and keep a little distance to that person for a while until you start feeling less angry. Anger tends to come out, maybe as frustration and lack of patience which will probably be taken out on the person when you interact with them. It's difficult to control. But it depends entirely on the situation. The reason for your anger and if you think that can ever forgive them? If you think you can then time does help so keep some distance and let your anger cool off.

The best thing however is probably: If you feel that your anger is justified you should try talking to them and explain how you feel. If you feel like you may be a bit more angry than the situation calls for it could still probably help if you talk to them about that too as that could allow you to express your anger a little while trying to avoid hurting them. But it depends on if this is a person to whom you could talk to about these things.
In any case: something that often does help a little when having a problem is writing it down. Writing it down gives you perspective and although it does not solve your problem as such, it helps a little.

Lastly, these are just advices from me and is sort of how I would do it. So they are more inline with how I reason and may not suit you at all. Everybody handles anger differently so it does come down to what kind of a person you are. But if you like me is a rather non violent person, maybe this could help.

[darkly]

Also: maybe they did something that should never be forgiven? If that is the case, ignore my earlier post!
Then I would say: don't try to act like everything is okay. Instead show the person that you are angry. Not to be vindictive and just going for revenge but to let the person know that it wasn't ok. And yourself too.

[Brotherman]

Well, I personally think forgiving somebody and being over the hurt they may have caused you are two separate things. I've always try to forgive people that have crossed me. If not for them, at least for myself. Holding it against them for the rest of my life would hold me back mentally/spiritually. But it doesn't mean that I particularly care from them anymore. The pain they have caused to may prevent you from being able to trust them for a long time, if ever again. Like the sage Darkly was saying, you don't have to pretend like everything is cool. If anything, just cut the person out of your life. Just my two cents.

[Ash]

Thanks.

Very wise advice, and definitely a lot to think about there.